Paradoxes

If You Want to Know…

serve a cup of cold tea to an Englishman

taste the milk with pickles

listen to the smacking sound of that lady in red at the next table

listen to it as if it was a melody,

as if it was Tchaikovsky

knock at the door from inside

smile at that ginger boy who bullied you

talk to your gardener about Berlusconi

put a bit of face on your cream

eat banana from the middle

cry so loudly it will make you laugh

play the guitar and imagine it’s a piano

don’t count sheep

let them count you

carve a pumpkin in March

talk to strangers in different languages:

Cómo estás, Francois?

Куда Вы идете, Nikos?

Liebst du mich auch, Hassan?

Chi sono io, Dios?

send a postcard to your postman

go to the ball with no make up on

turn juice back to oranges

bake chocolate-strawberry cake without strawberries

ask your professor of history about the dangers of endometriosis

see the world with crazy eyes

travel to Vienna and don’t try Sacher Torte

go to Paris and avoid Eiffel Tower

walk around London without umbrella

leave the hair on the floor

get yourself an orange Christmas tree

kiss your mother before she does

sit next to that woman with a crying baby on the plane

seduce yourself get lost on purpose

and lose the purpose

stay at hotel which has the worst reviews explore religion

talk to Muslims about Jesus

and Christians about Krishna

talk to Jewish about Allah

and Hindus about Yahweh

and…

ask Jesus about Hindus

and Allah about Jewish

and Krishna about Muslims

ask Yahweh about Christians

ask God how he’s doing

help shopping bags with that old lady

try to lose at Scrabble first

brush your teeth for 5 minutes and 34 seconds

have a new haircut, something you never liked

ruin your reputation, at least twice a day

trust a liar

talk to someone who eats rhubarb yoghurt at 4:38 in the morning

kiss your thighs

rewatch your favorite movie in Korean

eat chocolate when you feel like having potatoes

have potatoes when you feel like eating apple

eat apple when you feel like having cinnamon roll

eat cinnamon roll

read article before headline

talk deeply with shallow people

do not ever talk to deep people about shallow things

spend some money on spending money

ask vegetarian for a chicken soup recipe

go to the corner shop and ask how much do they want for one corner

paint something better than Dalí

put fingernails on your nail polish

on a nail polish that’s Polish

ask that lady at the next table what her basil quiche taste like

taste it through her description

play chess against yourself

and let yourself win

sing Dostojevskij

read Puccini

dance like Kaufmann

and laugh with Jackson

think about dying panthers

invite that homeless man who always feeds pigeons on the bench in front of Sainsubury’s

give him your last milk and eggs and ask him to cook an omelette

invite yourself for an omelette

don’t forget to drink a glass of water every hour

don’t forget to pee every other hour

don’t forget to eat 5 times a day

don’t forget to brush your teeth twice a day

don’t forget to forget all of these

let love to make love to you

look for paradoxes in paradoxes

look for paradoxes within yourself

look for paradoxes within all those around you

look for paradoxes in all those you’ve never met

match them with yours

like a pair of socks

learn them

understand them

love them

let them die

let them liberate you.

Where has your fight with life paradoxes left you? Side of losers or winners? And is there any side at all…?

Charles Bukowski